Children solving their problems

Postive moments with our children build wonderful memories and we share freely during these times. When our girls feel like they have my attention and that I care about them, they're so pleasant to be around. Recognizing our child's learning curve is so essential to keeping them happy. As our baby grows, we get very good at identifying her needs and meeting them. Our time with our children is full of teaching moments. These moments can be meaningful times that lead to bonding and trust. When we're having fun together, invariably some opportunity for learning will present itself. Then our child starts to grow up and needs to solve her own problems her own way. This new change can catch us parents off guard and bring on some teary outbursts.

Sometimes I take on the responsibility of fixing problems that my children create. I scrub marker out of the carpet or I wipe up the milk. I apologize to adults for my child's rudeness, explaining that she has teeth pain or she has just suffered a disappointment. Problem solving is something that children start doing early in life. We have sweet children and I'm fairly relaxed as a mother, but I remember a season in our family where our daughter had outbursts and was often upset with me. When I started reading "Parenting with Love and Logic" by Foster Cline and Jim Fay, I realized that I was being a helicopter parent. http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Parenting+with+love+and+logic This book came at just the right time because it taught me that my daughter ultimately has the very best solutions to her own problems. I found that time and time again, her solution was better than mine. She was better able than I to protect her relationships with friends. We help her identify what the problem is (i.e. hungry, want sister's toy) and then offer options for solving the problem. Sometimes she then come up with her own idea for solving the problem. It's good to help children solve their problems early in life.
This idea was reinforced even more when I read "Connected Parenting" by Jennifer Kolari when I learned a technique called "mirroring". http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Connected+Parenting I learned to listen to my children and hear their struggles. Once my child felt that I understood her challenges, she was able to move from being frustrated to being able to find her own solutions to her problems.

I found that I could reduce squabbles amongst our children by spending alone time with each one. I read "Siblings without Rivalry" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish and I discovered that children sometimes wonder about their worth to us and if they're needs will be met. http://www.amazon.com/Siblings-Without-Rivalry-Children-Together/dp/0380799006/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1279581749&sr=1-1
I like their quote: "By valuing and being partial to each child's individuality, we make sure that each of our children feels like a number one child." They suggest attending to the injured party if fighting occurs. I really appreciated their wisdom and practical ideas for helping our children.

Michelle is an author and entrepreneur for a continuing education and business development company showing people how to build business success. Find out more by calling 1-800-719-8268 ext. 45455 or visiting http://www.timewithmama.com We're all in this together. Contact Michelle at timewithmama@shaw.ca

Dusk to Dawn with Children

Our bedtime routine with our children is a special time of togetherness and sharing. We generally start with an outdoor activity, snack, bath, story time, snuggling and talking about our day. I find it to be a precious time with our children because their high energy has faded and their intellect is piqued. They are then thinking about life at a profound level. It is the best time of day to truly get to know our children more deeply.

There are many reasons why I prefer to keep our baby close at night. I like to know that she's breathing and that she's safe. I'm also able to meet her needs quickly without either of us fully waking up. William Sears explains this well in his book entitled "Nighttime Parenting". http://www.amazon.com/Nighttime-Parenting-Your-Child-Sleep/dp/0452281482/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278723757&sr=8-1 He writes that closeness helps mother and baby to synchronize their sleep patterns. When our baby wakes during the night, it's at a time when I'm entering light sleep. At that point, I can either nurse her back to sleep or assist her with her bladder functions. http://www.amazon.com/Diaper-Free-Gentle-Natural-Hygiene/dp/B000NJMMQS/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278767056&sr=1-4
Breastfeeding is usually the easiest because then I can stay comfy in bed. We'll both go back to sleep fairly easily, provided that she's warm and the house is quiet.

I read "Nighttime Parenting" with our second baby and I found that I had already, out of necessity, adapted many of his suggestions. His suggestions make sense and his ideas work for most children. I was amazed at all of the advatages he listed for co-sleeping, most backed up by medical knowledge. He gave interesting ideas on how to make co-sleeping doable, such as taking one side rail off the crib in a sidecar set-up in parents' room. Nowadays, we keep a double-size bed pushed against the wall in baby's room. After bedtime reading, our girls fall asleep on either side of me and then I return to our bed. This works well for naps too.

Sometimes I would find that an hour of story time and snuggling still wasn't enough to help her drift off to sleep. I found more ideas from the booklet called "The Little Book of Sleep: 54 Natural Ways to Help Your Child Fall Sleep" by Gerald Markoe found in Mozart's Sleepytime Music Box CD. The suggestions here involve the senses and also have ideas for burning up mental energy. http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dpopular&field-keywords=Mozart%27s+Sleepytime+Music+Box I found that she would make up for time spent away from me during the day by being up later at bedtime. Gordon Neufeld's book "Hold on to your Kids" explains how to help with separation. He writes that children can endure separation when you increase your attachment and your connection with your child. He gives ideas for focusing on the return connection, rather than on the night separation. http://www.amazon.com/Hold-Your-Kids-Parents-Matter/dp/0375760288/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1278763635&sr=1-1 As parents, we try different things until something works. Hopefully some of these ideas are new and they'll work for you.

Michelle is an author and entrepreneur for a continuing education and business development company showing people how to build business success. Find out more by calling 1-800-719-8268 ext. 45455 or visiting http://www.timewithmama.com We're all in this together. Connect with Michelle at timewithmama@shaw.ca