Meeting Families

Finding like-minded people and families with similarly-aged children can take a lot of time, but it's worth the effort. When our children spend time with good friends, our children blossom and this enhances their relationship with us as parents.

There are many ways to meet people after moving to a new city. Welcome Wagon still operates in many countries and can be helpful to newcomers. Some exercise programs are now geared towards meeting other people. Some people look for local chapters of groups where people share a common interest. Some common ones are La Leche League, Diaper Free Baby, Attachment Parenting groups and Toastmasters. I have met people with similar interests through online social networking groups such as Yahoo Groups and Facebook. Yahoo Groups attract people who think alike, who need similar information, or who need similar things.

Others get to know families in their community by visiting their local Farmers' Market, recreation centres, playgrounds, libraries, children's programs, garage sales or golfing clubs. Volunteering at local associations such as ICAN, political parties or Community Leagues can build lasting friendships.

Every city has its own special features and attractions. Tourist information centres and City websites often have information about upcoming events, city-sponsored events, community calendars, Parks and Recreation, pool schedules, festivals, carnivals and other attractions. A good way to find people who have similar concerns is to read local newspapers or community paperto learn about petitions and current citizen action.

Michelle is an author and entrepreneur for a continuing education and business development company showing people how to build business success. Find out more by calling 1-800-719-8268 ext. 45455 or visiting http://www.timewithmama.com We're all in this together. Contact Michelle at timewithmama@shaw.ca

Family Games Night

In preparation for our family games night, I like to give our children lots of opportunities beforehand to play with the game pieces. When our youngest can play with them unrestricted, the novelty wears off and she can later sit through a game without insisting on holding or moving them. Game pieces are new toys to them. We tend to play games like Rummikub or Mexican Train Dominoes where the pieces aren't damaged when they're chewed on. http://www.amazon.com/Wood-Expressions-Mexican-Train-Dominoes/dp/B000JMIJNY/ref=sr_1_22?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1282779123&sr=1-22

I like to set the mood for fun in our home by playing a game like Magnetic Fishing as we're waiting for Daddy to join us. http://www.amazon.com/Melissa-Doug-10-Piece-Magnetic-Fishing/dp/B000KMHBFA/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1283348262&sr=1-2
Connect 4, Backgammon and Scrabble are fun games to play, even when we're not following the rules. http://www.amazon.com/Milton-Bradley-1081-Connect-4/dp/B001FPK1OY/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1283349609&sr=1-3

Some board games that we like are: Sorry! http://www.amazon.com/Hasbro-00390095-Sorry/dp/B00000IWD0/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1283347809&sr=1-6 ,
Bible Trivia http://www.amazon.com/Bible-Trivia-Game-Knowledge/dp/B0028BIVNM/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1283347868&sr=1-7 , Battleship, Snakes and Ladders, checkers, http://www.amazon.com/Games-Set-Checkers-Parchisi-Ladders/dp/B002PMAMQI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1283350027&sr=1-1
and Masterpiece. http://www.amazon.com/Masterpiece-The-Art-Auction-Game/dp/B000MZZMVA/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1283349910&sr=1-2 I like to keep an extra set of game pieces and dice on hand, just in case they go missing. http://www.amazon.com/Think-Fun-1510-Math-Dice/dp/B0007LYKX0/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1283348950&sr=1-7 We like using a three-minute timer for young children. http://www.amazon.com/Three-Minute-Sand-Game-Timer/dp/B001697H6Y/ref=sr_1_fkmr2_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1283349518&sr=1-2-fkmr2

When we play Skip-Bo, http://www.amazon.com/Mattel-42050-SKIP-Card-Game/dp/B0000205XI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1283350107&sr=1-1
we give our toddler cards that she can hold. Sometimes I teach her numbers or colours and show her where to put the cards. If she sits with us long enough, we give her a turn and she's thrilled to be the center of attention. We also play Uno, which is a similar game. http://www.amazon.com/Mattel-42003-Uno-Card-Game/dp/B00004TZY8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1283350591&sr=1-1

Children love to be involved, doing things together as a family. I recently learned that sharing a meal together releases oxytocin in each family member. Perhaps that's why families love playing games together. http://www.examiner.com/mental-health-in-los-angeles/the-mystery-of-oxytocin

I find that it's good to limit the timeframe of our games night so that we end on a positive note and look forward to the next one. When we play often, our children don't mind ending because they know that they'll have another chance to play soon. In between times, we can play the games and improve skills so that next time they'll come closer to winning against Daddy.

Michelle is an author and entrepreneur for a continuing education and business development company showing people how to build business success. Find out more by calling 1-800-719-8268 ext. 45455 or visiting http://www.timewithmama.com We can learn from each other. Contact Michelle at timewithmama@shaw.ca

Outings with Children

I make our weekly outings fairly predictable. Our girls know what to expect when I say that we're going to the mall. We usually park in the same place and use the same mall entrance. The main focus is a children's program called Rhymes, Songs, and Story Time for ages birth to 3 years. Our toddler loves to visit with the babies and gets actively involved in the activities and play. They use a parachute and soft balls in the songs. http://www.amazon.com/Champion-Sports-12ft-Parachute-Handles/dp/B002HXLG1K/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1281104143&sr=1-2 Our girls love to talk to the facilitators and ask questions.

Sometimes we arrive at the mall early to let our girls run off extra energy at the mall's indoor playpark. It has two slides, a pretend ice cream shop and areas for climbing. The library is a fun place because there's a toddler area with board books, an early literacy station with computer games, and a summer reading program. I save myself aggravation by putting library items on hold online ahead of time. When I arrive, I let our girls play and then we check out our items. Sometimes they choose some items, if we haven't reached our library card limits. All three of us have library cards. I keep careful track of the slips listing our borrowed items so that I write the new renewal dates and avoid fines.

While in the mall, we also visit the flower shop and smell the flowers on display. We like to visit the pet store and look at the puppies, kittens, rabbits, hamsters, budgies, hedgehogs, lizards, and fish. We're always at the mall longer than I expect so I bring along snacks and water. For snacks, we like chocolate peanuts or Fruit To Go. http://www.amazon.com/Fruit-Go-Strips-Pack-72/dp/B003RQGDCI/ref=sr_1_13?ie=UTF8&s=grocery&qid=1281101201&sr=1-13

Towards the end of our outing, it can be hard to keep our girls together. Having two excited girls running in opposite directions is a very difficult situation, especially if they don't heed me. Sometimes our girls ride in the mall's double strollers called "Kiddies Kruizers". Since we no longer bring a stroller to the mall, I've also used a child harness for our toddler. Having her in the harness lowers my anxiety significantly and keeps her with me. Sometimes she negotiates time out of her harness by agreeing to stay with me. http://www.amazon.com/Gold-Bug-2-1-Harness/dp/B000V3H5VI/ref=sr_1_fkmr1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1281102274&sr=8-1-fkmr1
On the way home, I like to play gentle music such as Baby Einstein http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Einstein-Naptime-Melodies/dp/B003WISUX6/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1281102994&sr=1-4
or the Praise Baby Collection http://www.amazon.com/Sleepytime-Lullabies-Praise-Baby-Collection/dp/B001B0G5M0/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1281103091&sr=1-1

We love visiting outdoor playgrounds, sometimes two or more in an afternoon. Every playground has its strengths and special features. I like the playgrounds with saucer swings, varied height saucer disks, ramps, and sand. http://www.amazon.com/Saucer-Handcrafted-Stained-Quality-Natural/dp/B002PSTN4E/ref=sr_1_11?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1281105118&sr=8-11
Our city's website has all the playgrounds listedWe bring along our sand toys and dig deep for wet sand. http://www.amazon.com/International-Playthings-Castle-Bucket-Set/dp/B00005BHNO/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1281103398&sr=1-3
In summer, we cool off at the city spray parks or the outdoor pools. We also like going to Petting Zoos, Classroom on Wheels, city attractions and festivals.

Michelle is an author and entrepreneur for a continuing education and business development company showing people how to build business success. Find out more by calling 1-800-719-8268 ext. 45455 or visiting http://www.timewithmama.com We can learn from each other. Contact Michelle at timewithmama@shaw.ca

Children solving their problems

Postive moments with our children build wonderful memories and we share freely during these times. When our girls feel like they have my attention and that I care about them, they're so pleasant to be around. Recognizing our child's learning curve is so essential to keeping them happy. As our baby grows, we get very good at identifying her needs and meeting them. Our time with our children is full of teaching moments. These moments can be meaningful times that lead to bonding and trust. When we're having fun together, invariably some opportunity for learning will present itself. Then our child starts to grow up and needs to solve her own problems her own way. This new change can catch us parents off guard and bring on some teary outbursts.

Sometimes I take on the responsibility of fixing problems that my children create. I scrub marker out of the carpet or I wipe up the milk. I apologize to adults for my child's rudeness, explaining that she has teeth pain or she has just suffered a disappointment. Problem solving is something that children start doing early in life. We have sweet children and I'm fairly relaxed as a mother, but I remember a season in our family where our daughter had outbursts and was often upset with me. When I started reading "Parenting with Love and Logic" by Foster Cline and Jim Fay, I realized that I was being a helicopter parent. http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Parenting+with+love+and+logic This book came at just the right time because it taught me that my daughter ultimately has the very best solutions to her own problems. I found that time and time again, her solution was better than mine. She was better able than I to protect her relationships with friends. We help her identify what the problem is (i.e. hungry, want sister's toy) and then offer options for solving the problem. Sometimes she then come up with her own idea for solving the problem. It's good to help children solve their problems early in life.
This idea was reinforced even more when I read "Connected Parenting" by Jennifer Kolari when I learned a technique called "mirroring". http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Connected+Parenting I learned to listen to my children and hear their struggles. Once my child felt that I understood her challenges, she was able to move from being frustrated to being able to find her own solutions to her problems.

I found that I could reduce squabbles amongst our children by spending alone time with each one. I read "Siblings without Rivalry" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish and I discovered that children sometimes wonder about their worth to us and if they're needs will be met. http://www.amazon.com/Siblings-Without-Rivalry-Children-Together/dp/0380799006/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1279581749&sr=1-1
I like their quote: "By valuing and being partial to each child's individuality, we make sure that each of our children feels like a number one child." They suggest attending to the injured party if fighting occurs. I really appreciated their wisdom and practical ideas for helping our children.

Michelle is an author and entrepreneur for a continuing education and business development company showing people how to build business success. Find out more by calling 1-800-719-8268 ext. 45455 or visiting http://www.timewithmama.com We're all in this together. Contact Michelle at timewithmama@shaw.ca

Dusk to Dawn with Children

Our bedtime routine with our children is a special time of togetherness and sharing. We generally start with an outdoor activity, snack, bath, story time, snuggling and talking about our day. I find it to be a precious time with our children because their high energy has faded and their intellect is piqued. They are then thinking about life at a profound level. It is the best time of day to truly get to know our children more deeply.

There are many reasons why I prefer to keep our baby close at night. I like to know that she's breathing and that she's safe. I'm also able to meet her needs quickly without either of us fully waking up. William Sears explains this well in his book entitled "Nighttime Parenting". http://www.amazon.com/Nighttime-Parenting-Your-Child-Sleep/dp/0452281482/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278723757&sr=8-1 He writes that closeness helps mother and baby to synchronize their sleep patterns. When our baby wakes during the night, it's at a time when I'm entering light sleep. At that point, I can either nurse her back to sleep or assist her with her bladder functions. http://www.amazon.com/Diaper-Free-Gentle-Natural-Hygiene/dp/B000NJMMQS/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278767056&sr=1-4
Breastfeeding is usually the easiest because then I can stay comfy in bed. We'll both go back to sleep fairly easily, provided that she's warm and the house is quiet.

I read "Nighttime Parenting" with our second baby and I found that I had already, out of necessity, adapted many of his suggestions. His suggestions make sense and his ideas work for most children. I was amazed at all of the advatages he listed for co-sleeping, most backed up by medical knowledge. He gave interesting ideas on how to make co-sleeping doable, such as taking one side rail off the crib in a sidecar set-up in parents' room. Nowadays, we keep a double-size bed pushed against the wall in baby's room. After bedtime reading, our girls fall asleep on either side of me and then I return to our bed. This works well for naps too.

Sometimes I would find that an hour of story time and snuggling still wasn't enough to help her drift off to sleep. I found more ideas from the booklet called "The Little Book of Sleep: 54 Natural Ways to Help Your Child Fall Sleep" by Gerald Markoe found in Mozart's Sleepytime Music Box CD. The suggestions here involve the senses and also have ideas for burning up mental energy. http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dpopular&field-keywords=Mozart%27s+Sleepytime+Music+Box I found that she would make up for time spent away from me during the day by being up later at bedtime. Gordon Neufeld's book "Hold on to your Kids" explains how to help with separation. He writes that children can endure separation when you increase your attachment and your connection with your child. He gives ideas for focusing on the return connection, rather than on the night separation. http://www.amazon.com/Hold-Your-Kids-Parents-Matter/dp/0375760288/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1278763635&sr=1-1 As parents, we try different things until something works. Hopefully some of these ideas are new and they'll work for you.

Michelle is an author and entrepreneur for a continuing education and business development company showing people how to build business success. Find out more by calling 1-800-719-8268 ext. 45455 or visiting http://www.timewithmama.com We're all in this together. Connect with Michelle at timewithmama@shaw.ca

Exercise with Little Ones

I find it easier to include our girls in my exercise plans than to try to find ways to exercise alone. I personally need exercise more to stay fit and sleep well, than to lose weight.

Some things I did for exercise at home included following exercise videos, playing hide and chase games, and doing stretching. I recommend the video "Buns & ABS of Steel with Madeleine Lewis" for cardio, abdomen stretching and post-pregnancy stretching. The video has 10-minute segments and each segment contains its own cooldown. http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0004Z32L0/ref%3Dasc_df_B0004Z32L01149688/%3Ftag%3Daskcomel-20%26creative%3D380333%26creativeASIN%3DB0004Z32L0%26linkCode%3Dasn I like at least 10-15 minutes of cardio to get my heart rate up. My favourite cardio is step-programs so I set up my own ramps. The funnest games are hide-and-seek, chase me if you can, and peek-a-boo. With hide-and-seek, I would often have just 2-3 seconds to jump to a hiding place. Our girls love to chase me round and round as we enter and leave the kitchen through different entrances. Our girls love to imitate us as we do stretches. When children are young, they love to be with us on the floor and they seem to think that we're playing. One fun ab stretch with young children is to lay our child on our stomach and roll from side-to-side. Our girls like to lay in a sheet as I swing it back and forth, holding the four corners. This really works my stomach and tricep muscles. Sometimes creativity pays off and we create a great workout routine while able to entertain our children.

I really enjoy getting out of the house for fresh air, Vitamin D, companionship and some exercise. Outside of the house, I often go for walks along forested bike trails or to the playground, transporting baby either by baby carrier or by stroller. Many mothers like the Ergo Baby Carrier and many styles can be seen at: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_4?url=search-alias%3Dbaby-products&field-keywords=ergo+baby+carrier&sprefix=ergo Our carseat attaches to the seat of our stroller, making it easier to move her indoors later without waking her up. Here are some stroller travel systems: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_8?url=search-alias%3Dbaby-products&field-keywords=stroller+travel+system&sprefix=stroller At playgrounds and indoor play areas, I stay quite active as I shadow my children fairly closely. I find that if our children have sufficient time climbing at the playground, then they don't climb as much at home. If we go to the playground often enough, then they don't whine when we leave there. One time I saw a father at the playground doing chin-ups from the swingset and later doing arm stretches. I find that I work my arms constantly on outings as I transport or carry our toddler, push her on the swings, support her as she climbs ladders, or catch her as she slides down. My stomach muscles also seem to get a great workout doing all of the above too.

When I go to the three-story indoor play areas, I get quite a workout following our youngest around. Our mall has a children's indoor play area with slides, stairs and ladders. The mall also has colourful single and double strollers called Kiddies Kruizers that we can borrow in exchange for leaving our driver's license as a deposit. These strollers are heavier than ours which gives me a better workout. Once our girls are ready, I start putting them into the child carrier on my bike. I practice beforehand by buckling in a heavy object into the car seat. For our trips to the playground nowadays, our youngest daughter rides on the back of my bike and our older daughter rides her two-wheeler. It's challenging for me to ride up inclines with 25 extra pounds on the back of my bike.

I just learned of center-mounted carriers so babies can ride up front between Mama's arms. Here's the website: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B000FIH0EG/ref%3Dasc_df_B000FIH0EG1140675/%3Ftag%3Daskcomel-20%26creative%3D380333%26creativeASIN%3DB000FIH0EG%26linkCode%3Dasn One Dad told me that he liked the security for Baby and he found it easier to point things out to his son this way. I saw a woman push a stroller and walk a dog while she was wearing roller blades, but this is way more than I can do. Every mother has to determine her exercise need and how to meet that need. We have to find out what works best for us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Michelle is an author and entrepreneur for a continuing education and business development company showing people how to build business success. Find out more by calling 1-800-719-8268 ext. 45455 or visiting http://www.timewithmama.com Feel free to contact Michelle at timewithmama@shaw.ca She's available to answer questions or give suggestions.

Mother-Baby Bonding at Birth

On page 39 of his book, "The Caesarean", Michel Odent asks the question:

"Why do all societies ritually disturb the first contact between mother and baby?"

http://www.amazon.com/Caesarean-Michel-Odent/dp/1853437182 This is an important question for mothers. As mothers, we need to arrange our labour and birth in such a way that our first meeting with our baby is sacred and safe. We carry our babies for months and we long for the moment of birth. We want to hold our babies in our arms and introduce them to our world. We want the moment to be precious and guarded.

When a woman becomes a mother, tremendous changes happen within her and she's forever changed. On page 39 of "The Caesarean", Michel Odent also writes that the love hormones (oxytocin and prolactin)

"can be extremely high if the place is warm enough, if the eye-to-eye and skin-to-skin contacts between mother and baby are not disturbed, and if the sense of smell of both of them are not distracted by aggressive odours."

For the sake of our society, we must do whatever we can to help first-time moms and all moms have good birth experiences. It is so important that the mother-baby bonding time happen naturally. http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T101100.asp

Frederick Leboyer gives some excellent ideas in his book "Birth Without Violence". http://www.amazon.com/dp/0892819839/ref%3Dasc_df_08928198391139734/%3Ftag%3Daskcomel-20%26creative%3D380333%26creativeASIN%3D0892819839%26linkCode%3Dasn He is the founder of the Leboyer Baths for new babies. As our baby was being born, I made sure that the lights were dimmed, the staff were hushed, the door was closed, soft music was playing and the odours were subdued. I held our precious baby in the birthing tank with umbilical cord still attached. It was a tremendous experience compared to my previous cesarean. http://www.waterbirth.org There is so much that mothers can do to bring about a satisfying birth experience. I truly believe that birthing babies is as important to women as an occupation is to men. We need to protect our labour and delivery so that we remember it well and we can avoid post-partum difficulties and childbirth trauma. http://www.solaceformothers.org Our children are so worth it.

Michelle is an author and entrepreneur for a continuing education and business development company showing people how to build business success. Find out more by calling 1-800-719-8268 ext. 45455 or visiting http://www.timewithmama.com Feel free to contact Michelle at timewithmama@shaw.ca She looks forward to hearing from you.